This newsletter is PART II of a two-part series.
Review
In Part I, we discussed what consent is. We looked at the principles of consent: (1) a person must first have the ability to consent; (2) consent requires an individual to be given a real choice; (3) consent must be freely given; (4) consent is revocable; (5) consent is not transmissible; and (6) consent is specific, having parameters.
We also considered why humans have sex, illustrating why consent to sex is nothing more than consent to sex.
Using the real-world example of “Jack” and “Molly,” we beheld the ridiculousness of the “consent to sex is consent to pregnancy” anti-choice sloganeering.
We observed that the “consent to sex is consent to pregnancy” mandate is about compulsion, rather than consent; it prescribes a duty to gestate. In this context, we examined anti-choicers’ practical and conceptual misunderstandings of assuming the of risks of an activity.
Finally, we noted that the slogan, “Consent to sex is consent to pregnancy,” is used to justify state action compelling gestation and birth, which is societal/structural reproductive coercion.
Here, in PART II, we'll be focusing on interpersonal reproductive coercion, and the ways in which the “Consent to sex is consent to pregnancy” argument both fails to acknowledge the existence of and lends tacit support to this form of abuse.
Interpersonal Reproductive Coercion and Abuse
To coerce is to pressure, intimate, or force someone to do something they do not wish to do; or to refrain from doing something they wish to do.
Reproductive coercion and abuse (RCA) is when a person tries to control your reproductive choices and health, often as a means of controlling your life. [1] It is a form of abuse that undermines personal agency and autonomy. It also undermines trust between partners.
“Reproductive coercion is a form of power and control because one partner takes away reproductive health decisions and options from the other.” [2] “Reproductive coercion comprises a range of behaviors, but regardless of which are used, it’s important to understand that it is abuse.” [3] “This form of abuse can be shrouded in secrecy and may be uncomfortable for people to talk about it.” [4]
*Importantly, “reproductive coercion is often not the only form of abuse a victim is experiencing.” [5] There is a strong correlation between intimate partner violence and reproductive coercion. [6] In fact, RCA “is a phenomenon that disproportionately affects women experiencing concurrent IPV (Intimate Partner Violence).” [7] For example, in a study of high school girls, “those who experienced reproductive coercion were also more likely to experience physical and sexual abuse.” [8]
RCA is not only associated with other forms of abuse; it is also strongly associated with unintended pregnancies. [9] “According to a study published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 40% of abused women reported that their pregnancy was unintended compared to 8% of non-abused women.” [10]
Reproductive coercion can also be emotional, and could look like pressure, guilt, and shame from an abusive partner.
Examples of RCA
The following graphic shows examples of reproductive coercion. Please note that this list of examples is non-exhaustive.
Coercion invalidates consent
Reproductive coercion “transforms a consensual act into a non-consensual one.” [11] RCA violates the principles of consent, making any appearance of consent invalid. Coercion strips you of your agency and autonomy. “Reproductive coercion is primarily focused on gaining power [and control] in a relationship.” [12]
Consider the following examples of Latrice, Maria, and Amanda. Can you count the ways in which each was subjected to reproductive coercion? Which principles of consent were violated in each example?
*NOTE: While RCA affects people of any gender, it most commonly affects women. According to a study published in BMJ Sexual & Reproductive Health, “1 in 4 women at sexual health clinics reports coercion over their reproductive lives.” [13] Women are also the primary subject (and target) of the “Consent to sex is consent to pregnancy” argument. Please note that, while the examples below reflect this pattern in reproductive coercion, people of all genders experience reproductive coercion.
“Darryl” and “Latrice”
Darryl and Latrice had been living together for several months. Darryl had become controlling and abusive shortly after the two moved in together. Latrice often felt like she was walking on eggshells.
To prevent Latrice from leaving him, Darryl tried to get Latrice pregnant. He pressured Latrice to have unprotected sex. He talked frequently about having a baby, but Latrice said she wasn't ready.
Soon, Darryl refused to use a condom. When Latrice started taking birth control pills, Darryl flushed them down the toilet. Darryl accused Latrice of wanting to take birth control so that she could cheat on him.
Darryl also began tracking Latrice's menstrual cycles to know when she was most fertile.
Meanwhile, because of Darryl's volatile temper and his abusive and manipulative behavior, Latrice felt she couldn't say no to sex with him, fearing repercussions.
Latrice had consented to protected, non-procreative sex, but Darryl made this impossible by refusing to use a condom. Latrice wanted to use birth control to prevent pregnancy, but Darryl took that choice away from her. Latrice was also coerced into continuing to have sexual intercourse with Darryl.
Darryl took control over Latrice's reproductive health and decisions. Latrice felt trapped, confused, hopeless, and violated.
“Stephen” and “Maria”
Stephen and Maria had been married for 10 years, during which time they had 7 children together. Stephen worked while Maria stayed home and took care of the children.
Maria's doctor warned Maria against getting pregnant again, after Maria’s last pregnancy nearly killed her. Maria decided that she wanted to have a tubal ligation so that she would not get pregnant again in the future.
Stephen refused to pay for the procedure. He told Maria that sterilization is a sin against God and that Maria’s purpose as a woman was to be fruitful and multiply. He told Maria that it was her job, her duty, to bear as many children as God gave them. Stephen insisted that Maria had a wifely duty to continue to have sex with him.
Stephen threatened to inform their Catholic priest if Maria brought the subject up again. The thought terrified Maria. Would her priest look down upon her? Would her priest's opinion of her be forever changed? Would she be in trouble with the church?
Maria felt valueless as a person by Stephen’s rigid adherence to church doctrine at the expense of Maria’s health and wellbeing. Because Stephen controlled the couple’s finances, there was no way for Maria to pay for a tubal ligation on her own. Even if she were able to, Maria dreaded the shame and humiliation that may result from her priest finding out. Stephen weaponized Maria’s concern for her health in order to control her. He also guilted and shamed Maria into continuing to have sex with him.
Maria’s ability to make decisions about her reproductive health and her ability to establish sexual boundaries were entirely co-opted by Stephen. Maria felt worthless and insignificant.
Each of the above examples are illustrative of coerced sexual intercourse wherein the aim is to cause an individual to become pregnant against their will. Latrice and Maria continue to have sex with their partners. To an outsider, it might then appear as though Latrice and Maria are consenting to sex. But coerced sex is not consensual. Ever. Nor is coerced pregnancy and gestation.
But reproductive coercion does not always happen in the context of abusive and controlling relationships, nor does it always involve coerced sexual intercourse. Reproductive coercion can also occur on occasions of consensual sex. Consider the following example.
“Ted” and “Amanda”
Amanda and Ted had great chemistry. One night, after a romantic dinner, the pair decided to have sex for the first time. Amanda and Ted agreed that Ted would wear a condom.
Ted wasn't fond of wearing condoms. He liked the feeling of unprotected sex. So, while he and Amanda were having sex, Ted stealthily slipped off his condom without telling Amanda. He had done the same to other women in the past.
In doing so, Ted violated the parameters of Amanda's consent. Amanda had not consented to have just any sex; she had consented to protected sex.
A month later, Amanda discovered that she was pregnant. When her pregnancy was confirmed by her doctor, Amanda also learned that Ted had given her a sexually transmitted infection. When confronted, Ted admitted to removing his condom, a form of RCA commonly known as “Stealthing.”
Ted violated Amanda's trust, as well as the boundaries of her consent. Ted took away Amanda's control over her reproductive health and decisions. She had really liked Ted, and she thought that he respected her. Amanda felt violated, emotionally and physically. She described the experience as “rape adjacent.”
As the example of Amanda shows, consent to sex is not consent to just any sex. Consent is specific, it has parameters.
All three examples demonstrate that reproductive coercion makes consent, or even the superficial appearance of consent, invalid. Furthermore, these examples demonstrate that consent to sex is not consent to pregnancy.
Legitimizing coercion as consensual
Anti-choice sloganeering that “consent to sex is consent to pregnancy” establishes an absolutist position. As such, it leaves no room to recognize the realities of reproductive coercion. And when no room is given for the consideration of RCA, no space is made for those who experience it either. Furthermore, this anti-choice slogan places the blame for an unwanted pregnancy squarely on the shoulders of the victims of RCA, as if to say, “You had sex. You knew the risks. So, you were asking for it.”
By leaving no room for consideration of reproductive coercion or those who experience it, and by placing the blame on RCA victims, the absolutist declaration that “Consent to sex is consent to pregnancy” legitimizes coercion as consensual.
Additionally, when an unwanted pregnancy results from reproductive coercion and abuse, the absolutist position that “consent to sex is consent to pregnancy” affords RCA victims no avenue for remedy (abortion).
As we have discussed, abusers often seek to trap their victims by causing them to become pregnant and have a child. The absolutist “Consent to sex is consent to pregnancy” mandate furthers the abusers’ goal by implying that victims of RCA have a duty to gestate, which only serves to strengthen abusers’ hold over their victims. “You had sex. You knew the risks. You could have just left. Now, you have to face the consequences.”
Conclusion
The claim that “consent to sex is consent to pregnancy” demonstrates a woeful lack of understanding of consent and of assuming the risks of an activity. It denies the realities of life and relationships. It also tacitly endorses reproductive coercion and abuse, leaving no avenue of remediation for those experiencing unwanted pregnancies as a result of RCA.
Citations
[1] Reproductive abuse and coercion. WomensLaw.org. (2020, April 8). https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/forms-abuse/reproductive-abuse-and-coercion
[2] National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2022, August 19). Reproductive coercion. The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/reproductive-coercion/
[3] O’Donnell, K., & Patel, S. (2020, January 14). What women and men need to know about reproductive coercion: Women’s health: Your pregnancy matters: UT southwestern medical center. Women’s Health | Your Pregnancy Matters | UT Southwestern Medical Center. https://utswmed.org/medblog/reproductive-coercion/
[4] National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2022, August 19). Reproductive coercion. The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/reproductive-coercion/
[5] O’Donnell, K., & Patel, S. (2020, January 14). What women and men need to know about reproductive coercion: Women’s health: Your pregnancy matters: UT southwestern medical center. Women’s Health | Your Pregnancy Matters | UT Southwestern Medical Center. https://utswmed.org/medblog/reproductive-coercion/
[6] Grace, K. T., & Anderson, J. C. (2018, October). Reproductive coercion: A systematic review. Trauma, violence & abuse. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5577387/
[7] Ibid. 6
[8] O’Donnell, K., & Patel, S. (2020, January 14). What women and men need to know about reproductive coercion: Women’s health: Your pregnancy matters: UT southwestern medical center. Women’s Health | Your Pregnancy Matters | UT Southwestern Medical Center. https://utswmed.org/medblog/reproductive-coercion/
[9] Grace, K. T., & Anderson, J. C. (2018, October). Reproductive coercion: A systematic review. Trauma, violence & abuse. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5577387/
[10] National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2021, September 14). 1 in 4 callers to the National Domestic Violence Hotline Report Birth Control Sabotage and pregnancy coercion. The Hotline. https://www.thehotline.org/news/1-in-4-callers-to-the-national-domestic-violence-hotline-report-birth-control-sabotage-and-pregnancy-coercion/
[11] Hosie, R. (2018, May 11). Stealthing is the latest horrifying sexual assault trend. The Independent. https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/stealthing-men-remove-condoms-sex-without-consent-during-mid-coitus-a7700906.html
[12] O’Donnell, K., & Patel, S. (2020, January 14). What women and men need to know about reproductive coercion: Women’s health: Your pregnancy matters: UT southwestern medical center. Women’s Health | Your Pregnancy Matters | UT Southwestern Medical Center. https://utswmed.org/medblog/reproductive-coercion/
[13] BMJ. (n.d.). 1 in 4 women at Sexual Health Clinics reports coercion over their reproductive lives. BMJ. https://www.bmj.com/company/newsroom/1-in-4-women-at-sexual-health-clinics-reports-coercion-over-their-reproductive-lives/
Any time when a partner is a control freak when it comes to sexual relationships they are likely to be control freaks over other areas of life as well. Those people are dangerous. It’s best to kick them to the curb and do not walk away but Run as fast as you can. Controlling behavior can also occur in long term relationships but when it does the affected person need not give in unless there’s threats of harm. In that scenario it may be time to reconsider your relationship with that person and remove yourself from any volatile situation.